Recently at Kinko’s they were having problems with their machine and were taking a long time to complete my job. Wanting to be productive, I asked a clerk if I could use their phone to make a local call. She said no. I felt a little put off.
Eager to make my call, I decided to alter my approach. I found another clerk and changed the wording of my question. “Excuse me, I need to make a local call. Which phone is best for me to use?” I was immediately shown to a desk. Feeling empowered, I then took it a step further. “Excuse me, I’ve been waiting a while and I need to get back to my office. How soon can you have someone deliver the job?” They agreed to bring it to my office the moment it was done. And since they were making me wait (as I reminded them in my question), implicitly there would be no charge for this.
I’ve learned that our specific wording of requests is critical to getting what we want. In the first instance I empowered the Kinko’s clerk with a close-ended question (meaning yes or no) about permission: Is there a phone I can use? Asking the question this way implies that “no” is a possible answer. To end the situation, all the clerk has to do is shake her head. That’s very easy for her. In my second attempt, I consciously moved beyond the permission stage, establishing my presumption that it would be OK, and all I needed to know was which phone I should use. To the second clerk, it’s much more difficult to say “no” because this time it would require an explanation and confrontation. The most comfortable response is to grant my request.
People often opt for the easiest way out. They prefer to avoid confrontation. So when you make a request, start from a place that assumes the person is willing to help. Don’t ask for permission; ask for options. You’ll be surprised by how often you’re accommodated.
For tips on how to set yourself up for success, check out the Jump Start Leadership Workbooks or The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens.
To read more motivation, check the Chicken Soup for the Soul series.
