How to Have Tough Conversations with Underperforming Employees

For some managers, holding employees accountable is second nature. For others, it’s a nerve-wracking challenge. They don’t want to come across as mean, risk pushback, or damage relationships. One manager recently told me, “I don’t want to seem too hard on them.” Another admitted, “I’m a people pleaser.”

Ironically, these same managers don’t resent their own bosses for holding them accountable. In fact, they respect them more for it. In one quick-service restaurant group I recently worked with, the leadership team had no trouble confronting their managers when expectations weren’t met. But instead of resenting leadership, managers felt disappointed in themselves for falling short. Why? Because leadership had built trust, made their expectations clear, and consistently reinforced a culture of accountability.

After hearing my keynote about more effective management practices at their brand’s franchise conference, this group took 35 of their managers through my hourly employee management training program to strengthen their leadership skills. As part of that process, they asked for additional help in addressing employee underperformance. What came to light in our discussions was something deeper: many of their managers weren’t struggling because they lacked knowledge or effort. They were struggling because they feared confrontation. They worried about how holding employees accountable would make them look, how their employees would respond, and whether their leadership would be questioned.

That’s when we realized something crucial: the biggest opportunity for improving performance in this company wasn’t with the frontline employees—it was with the managers themselves.

Step 1: Examine Your Own Discomfort – Accountability Starts with You

Before tackling tough conversations, managers must first look inward. If you hesitate to hold employees accountable, ask yourself: Why? Are you afraid of damaging relationships? Worried about conflict? Concerned about how others will perceive you? Recognizing your own fears is the first step toward overcoming them.

Great leadership isn’t just about making employees better—it’s about making yourself better. Every manager has areas where they need to grow, and for many, that includes building the confidence to enforce standards while maintaining trust. Confrontation may be uncomfortable, but avoiding it only creates bigger problems down the line. Employees need clear expectations, honest feedback, and consistent guidance. If managers don’t provide that, they’re not protecting employees—they’re neglecting them.

This is where the best sports coaches excel. They don’t hesitate to correct their players, even in high-stakes moments. They push them, challenge them, and demand more from them—not because they want to be harsh, but because they want to make them better. And the best athletes don’t resent their coaches for it. They trust that their coach is invested in their growth and success. Managers should approach accountability the same way. The goal isn’t to make employees feel bad—it’s to make them better. When trust is strong, employees recognize that accountability isn’t criticism. It’s coaching.

That’s what I’ve been helping  these managers work through. We’ve been identifying their hesitations, reframing their mindset, and equipping them with the skills to lead with confidence. The transformation starts with them before it can extend to their teams.

Step 2: Set the Expectation for Accountability from Day One

Many managers only start talking about accountability when something goes wrong. By then, it often feels like criticism rather than coaching. That’s why it’s crucial to prepare employees for these conversations before they even happen.

During onboarding, managers should tell employees:

• “My job is to help you succeed. That means I’ll give you feedback—both praise when you do well and corrections when you need to improve.”
• “If I give you constructive feedback, it’s because I believe in you. I want you to be your best, and I’m here to help.”
• “Every moment of feedback is an investment in your growth. If I ignored mistakes, that would mean I don’t care about your success.”

When employees expect feedback and understand that it comes from a place of support, they’re less likely to take it personally when it happens.

Step 3: Tactics for Having Tough Conversations

Once managers have the right mindset and have set expectations, the next step is delivering the message effectively. Here’s how:

1. Have the Conversation in Private

No one likes being called out in front of others. Employees are more receptive to feedback when they don’t feel embarrassed or defensive. Whenever possible, pull them aside for a one-on-one conversation in a quiet area. This not only preserves their dignity but also allows for a more open and honest discussion.

2. State the Issue Clearly

Be direct and specific about the problem. Too often, managers soften their words so much that employees don’t even realize they’re being corrected. Instead of saying, “I noticed you’ve been a little off lately,” say, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been consistently forgetting to check orders before handing them out. Yesterday, two customers received the wrong food.” Clear communication ensures there’s no room for misunderstanding.

3. Ask Questions to Understand Their Perspective

Rather than assuming why the issue is happening, engage the employee in a dialogue. Ask questions like, “Is there something preventing you from double-checking orders?” or “Do you feel like you have the right training and tools to do this correctly?” This approach not only helps you uncover potential barriers but also demonstrates that you’re interested in helping them improve, not just criticizing them.

4. Explain the Impact

Employees need to understand why their performance matters. Connect their actions to real consequences. For example, you might say, “When orders are wrong, it frustrates customers, creates more work for the team, and can hurt our reputation.” Or, “When you show up late, it puts stress on the rest of the team who have to cover for you.” Making the impact clear helps employees see why their performance matters beyond just following rules.

5. Let the Moment Sink In

After stating the issue, pause. Let the employee process what you’ve said. Don’t rush to soften the moment with compliments or humor—it’s natural for some discomfort to occur. That discomfort is what makes the feedback stick. If managers rush to smooth things over too quickly, they rob employees of the chance to reflect and internalize the message.

6. Confirm They Understand and Set Clear Expectations

Once you’ve explained the issue, ensure the employee fully understands what’s expected moving forward. Ask them to repeat back what they need to do differently: “Just to make sure we’re on the same page, what will you do differently moving forward?” or “What steps will you take to improve this?” This reinforces accountability and ensures there’s no confusion about next steps.

7. Follow Up and Reinforce Improvement

Once the conversation is over, don’t hold a grudge or keep harping on the issue. Let them move on. However, check back in later. If they’ve improved, acknowledge it: “I noticed you’ve been double-checking orders more consistently—great job!” If they haven’t, readdress it: “We talked about making sure every order is correct, but there have been a few more mistakes. What’s getting in the way?” Following up reinforces expectations and shows that accountability is an ongoing process.

Conclusion: Tough Conversations Make Stronger Leaders

Now, this brand has identified a huge opportunity for improvement. They know exactly where to focus, and they’re confident this shift will make their managers more effective.

Being “tough” can be—well—tough. But it’s a skill every manager needs. And for many, that means training and support to get better at it. After all, great managers don’t just grow their employees—they grow themselves, too.

[This article was originally published here in Nation’s Restaurant News.]